I was born with primo genes
which make my bottom and top clean
What goes up must come down
but only one end wears a frown

Hair today and gone tomorrow
I'll keep giving you some skin
Heading for happiness, not sorrow
Bald is how we all begin
So shield your eyes while I take a bow,
It won't be long now

Telly, Mr. Clean and Yul
used their shiny, skin smooth tool
to coax the women through their doors
for hot romance and cleaner floors

The gentle egg sits there in the shade
It had no trouble getting laid
Look at Gandhi and Sinead,
the masses say they got it made
And neither of them had a cow . . .
It won't be long now

Minoxodil is nearly nil
Rugs and weaves are worser still
Transplants you can just forget;
my skull is not some Chia Pet

No need to spray, cut, style or primp
No colorings or permanents
Throw brushes, combs, and driers out
A lesser man would sit and pout
We'd all be better off this way
All people white, black, yellow or grey
would be more similar today
So shave it off now, don't delay!

Barbers are barbarians,
cutting off what's right for them
Some surgery they used to do
so count your ears, there should be two

There's plenty more in other places;
some is private, some is public
The stuff that grows out of my face is
such a nag, I keep it stubbly

So comb it back from your brow,
It won't be long now
Even Buddah got you ta' bow and cow-tow,
It won't be long now



When it's gotten to the point where you can't spend a cent,
and you think about the pennies and the nickels that you lent
to a bum or a chum or a well-to-do gent
Keep your head up
Don't get fed up

So the jangle of your pocket is down to just a clink,
there are many people like you who would simply start to think
of a myriad of methods to acquire food and drink
But of course you'll be resourceful

If fancy food's your fancy, well you just give it up
That sterling silver knife and fork is now a small tin cup
Yes begging can be chancy, but never become timid
A song and dance on knees and hands and all the sky's the limit!



If everyday was Christmas
there would be no more crime
An automatic, everlasting peace in our time.

If everyday was Christmas
there would be no more hate,
and the world would be just great!

If everyday
If everyday
If everyday
was Christmas

Christmas, Christmas
stay a little while
Christmas, Christmas
put a great big smile
on the face
of the human race,
for the rest of the year

Could everyday be Christmas?
In your dreams my dear
For Christmas is a time of cheer
just one day a year

Should everyday be Christmas
just think of all the fun



If you smile all the time
there'd be no room for crying

When you smile all the time,
all the time is satisfying



When your number's up --
You jump on the dancefloor, ready to rock

When your number's up --
The lottery jackpot check is on the way

When your number's up --
Telemarketers just won't take no for an answer

When your number's up --
You no longer need "Frazier" as a lead-in

When your number's up --
Shake the thermometer, then climb back in bed

When your number's up --
Sold! To the man with the turquoise necktie

When your number's up --
Advance three spaces and roll again

When your number's up --
Larry King says "Brooklyn, New York, you're on the air"

When your number's up --
The proud new papa presses his face against the glass

When your number's up --
You start to think that maybe Jared's on to something

When your number's up --
All that studying doesn't seem like such a bummer

When your number's up --
Put down the "People", the doctor will see you now

When your number's up --
The maitre d' will show you to your table

When your number's up --
Blow out those candles on your cake

When your number's up --
The dealer slides a pile of chips in your direction

When your number's up --
Pick out the cheesecake you've had your eyes on

When your number's up --
NASDAQ is the sweetest sound you've ever heard

When your number's up --
You're dead